Drunk Carlos' life lessons

Have you ever talked to a drunk person while you are totally sober? It's interesting isn't it?

With Carlos, it's not that interesting.

It was Friday night and I'm was at home reading a book peacefully. I was reading book number 4 of the Scott Pilgrim series, which is a great series by the way.

http://www.scottpilgrim.com/

Anyways, Carlos stumbled in to the apartment with the biggest smile on his face.


"I'm drunk can you tell?"

I sarcastically answered.

"No, I can not tell"

Carlos seemed surprised with this answer. It seems the ability to detect sarcasm disappears when he is drunk. After his initial excitement wore off he asked me how my date went, but before I can answer he yelled:

"Wait! Wait! Let me poo first!" and disappeared in to the bathroom.

When he came out I told him how my night went. I then receive the longest lecture I've ever received from Carlos.

One thing to know about Carlos is that there is no interrupting him once he's started. Therefor, I listened to the whole thing. Towards the end Carlos somehow thought I was incredibly depressed over the whole matter and started another lecture on 'how not to worry about girls'.

I needed to push him out of room so I could go to bed. Finally, as I lay down Carlos ran back in and whipped me with a shirt. I know he means well but, fml.

Note: While was writing this Carlos came in to the room and asked me to look at his nipple. He said there was discoloration and was slightly concerned. I told him it was a bruise and to stop worrying, but not before I point out how distracting the single strand of chest hair coming out of his nipple is.

Carlos proceeded to flick the piece of hair while going:

"Do do do do do do do, hey Nick, do do do do do"

What the f.